Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
