Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Randomize
