it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
