i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
