I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
i need an iv and a liver transplant
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
