she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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