I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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