new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
