he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
