Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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