I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
