Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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