too bad you live with your parents still
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
