I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
