Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
