Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
