How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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