I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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