I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
