So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Girls should come with a carfax report
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
