if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
