bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
