i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
