Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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