yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
