So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
