I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
