Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize