This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
