you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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