you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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