I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
honey bunches of taint.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize