Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
