I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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