You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
