How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize