She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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