she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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