"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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