How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
