what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
