she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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