yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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