he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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