We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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