We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
