I'm gonna have a badass scar
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
