two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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