The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
