we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
