i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
the condom got lost in my hair
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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