my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We have started to decorate penises.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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