sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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