At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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