so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I just blew my weed a kiss
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
