people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
