is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
