i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
