I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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