hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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