apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
