yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
