Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
