I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
