I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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