come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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