Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize