He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
