one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
