Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
