hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I intend to get homeless drunk
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize