The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
