You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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