i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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