I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
